Words UnSaid: December 2006

They say, "a good man is hard to find." I say a good man is "impossible" to find. Why? Because he is not to be found. A "good man" is to find a "good thing." Not the other way around. Proverbs 18:22 says, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord" (New King James Version). As women, we should not be looking for husbands. Instead, we should be preparing ourselves to be found. WE should be developing into the "good thing" we are destined to be. That way, when the "good man" comes are way, he'll find his "good thing."

(Enough preaching.)

Ok ladies let's be real. While waiting to be found, we all know what kind of "good man" we want. Just last night in conversation with a male friend I made the comment, "he's not my type" (in reference to common friend), and of course he asked, "well what is your type?" So I looked through my blog archive and found this post from January 29, 2006.

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Ideal Mate

My ideal mate is something I think about all the time, but I've never put it in words, and I really don't think that I can sum it up in a blog but I'll give it a try. I can't say that I've ever had a problem defining my ideal mate because for the most part, I've always had an idea. My problem is becoming the woman my ideal mate is looking for. There's no point in waiting on my ideal mate to find me if I'm not the woman he wants to be with. My question to all of you MySpacers is, "What is your ideal mate? And how does one become an ideal mate?"

My ideal man is one who knows what he wants in life and has a plan/road map to get there. He has proof of maturity, independence, and responsibility. He is educated, and has experience being committed and dedicated to his community, church, fraternity, or other organization. If a man can't be committed to any of these things, how would a committment to me be any different?

My ideal man is one who loves me unconditionally, who has no limit as to what he will do to protect me, care for me, and fulfill my every need and desire. He also has a compatable personality, where we can laugh and talk for hours on end. I'll never get tired of being with him, and even the dullest things will seem exciting when he is around.

My ideal man is masculine, yet sensitive to the wants and needs of the woman who loves him. He is romantic to the point where every day I'm with him feels like Valentine's Day, and my wedding day isn't the only day I walk on rose peddals. He is also charming. Listening to him speak is hypnotizing and the sound of his voice is so entrancing that there is no limit to the things I would do please him.

My ideal man is one with broad shoulders, strong hands, and firm arms. He doesn't mind me resting my head amongst the sweat of his breast, and I get chills up my spine from his warm embrace. He has a sweet unique frangrance, so sweet it's tantalizing, and when he's not around the aroma lingers in my mind.

My ideal mate is my best friend. I can confide in him and he in me. No one can comfort him the way I comfort him, and the love I give him makes him feel as though he's floating amongst the clouds.

My ideal mate challenges me to be a better person. He cares about my well-being, not for his benefit, but for the purpose of making me a better person. I can then be a better woman, a better wife, and a better mother to his children.

To be continued...

Comments

Pastor Stowers Hello,

I ran across your site from a post you left on my blog. You write very well and you know how to phrase what you want. Yes, you are pretty clear and God will grant you the desires of your heart.

You wrote,

"My ideal man is one who loves me unconditionally, who has no limit as to what he will do to protect me, care for me, and fulfill my every need and desire."

Wow, that's a tall order and here's why:

Personally, I believe that only God can love someone unconditionally. I believe we set people up for failure by expecting them to meet needs only God can meet. Since the fall of mankind, people are flawed (including us), have issues, and are self-serving.

That's the consequence of living in a fallen world. The beauty of relationships is that we all bring our flaws, issues, and competing agendas to the table and through sacrifice, we learn the beauty of togetherness. When people come together each person brings a box of broken parts. Together, God sorts out the pieces and weaves together one piece - hence, the two shall become one.
3 years ago
Sir I definitely must start off by co-signing what the two guys before me have already said. It is very important for us as people to know what it is we really want out of a relationship. Before we can truly know that, we must first know ourselves. In getting to know ourselves, we discover what it is we really need from and for ourselves, and conversely, what it is we have to offer that special someone. I think the saying goes "If it's too good to be true, it usually is." Something for nothing sounds a little too good if you ask me. What I mean by that is that we must be cognizant of how what it is that we are offering compares to what it is that we want in return. Ten dollars is not an acceptable offer for 2007 Mercedes, it just isn't. I can't realistically be jobless (by choice) and living at home with my Mama talking about "I want me an independent woman!" I mean, I can WANT one all day long (people in Hell want ice water) but what I end up with is likely to be a far cry from it becasue I would not be where I need to be to get what I want. So in closing, I'm with you Nikki. I'm foucusing on getting myself together so I can be where I need to be to find that good thing and obtain that favor.
5 years ago
HGSOUL

Very insightful, as usual... The question now becomes: What do youthink your ideal mate is looking for in his ideal mate? It seems that if you're preparing to be what this ideal mate is looking for, then you must've already made an assumption as to what that is... The biggest divisive issue in relationships is most commonly communication. Bottom line. In an ideal situation, honest communication would be the foregone conclusion, but we all know that's not a safe assumption. What usually ends up happening is that people (men & women) are not up front and honest, in the beginning, about what they REALLY want in a mate. Oh, we have no problem voicing these concerns after we've been with this person for months & sometimes even years. But, of course, by then we're just about sick of each other, and the relationship is on the rocks. So, what I tell my daughter(s), younger sisters, female cousins, friends and associates is this: Be honest with yourself about yourself. Learn as much about yourself as you can. Be true to your own spirit & inner voice, and follow the path that will ultimately bring you true happiness. (Don't wait for/expect for some man to provide happiness for you... It's impossible for anyone else to make you happy) If you do that, then you will be able to get as close to what God has intended for you to become as humanly possible. Then, when the right (or ideal) mate is graced by your presence, he will know it, and you will be the prize in his eyes. And by having been honest & true to yourself, first and foremost, you will have placed yourself in a much better position to identify the qualities that you're looking for in this mate, thus essentially "weeding out" the less qualified ones. Sorry for the long-windedness... You know how we do, L.S. LOL!!!
HG
5 years ago

prej·u·dice

[prej-uh-dis] - an unfavorable opinion or feeling formed beforehand or without knowledge, thought, or reason.

I run a program called CPS Mentor Moms. It's a program for pregnant and parenting teens, and because it's funded by Chicago Public Schools, I spend majority of my time in the schools. I have had 3 encounters this school year with the assistant principal at one of the schools. Each time she has given me a really hard time, and I could never understand why, until today. It hit me. I think she has a hard time accepting my position according to my age. I think because I'm a young lady (and because I may sometimes LOOK even younger), she feels the need to verify everything I do, as though I'm too incompetent to do the job for which I have been hired. When I met with her today so she could sign a letter to verify my work in the school, and she refused to sign the letter. She wanted to talk to this person and talk to that person so she could know this and so she could know that. In essence, she wanted to go over my head to verify that what I was doing was legit. She speaks to me almost as though I am beneath her. It's like she uses me to proove her authority. I wanted to remind her that I have a degree, I am gainfully employeed, and I am NOT your child nor one of your students. I wanted to tell her, "I'm not here to work FOR you, I'm here to work WITH you to provide support and assistance to your students." All I needed was her signature. But I didn't say any of those thoughts. I didn't express my opinions. I smiled. I nodded. And I wished her well as I left the meeting empty-handed. An hour later she phoned me to let me know the letter was ready for me to pick up, complete with my signiture. I guess she verified that it was legit, I dunno, but she took up more of my time than I had to spare.

Words UnSaid

Friday, December 8, 2006

"A Good Man Is Hard To Find' (Posted on Myspace 12/08/06)

Comments

Monday, December 4, 2006

Prejudice (Posted on MySpace 12/04/06)

Prejudice

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