I'm a prisoner of words unsaid. Just lonely feelings locked away in my head. I trap myself further everytime I stay quiet. I start to speak but I stop and stay silent. And now I've made my own hard bed.
Inside a prison of words unsaid
Up until today, I think I've had an unintentional, unnoticeable, unacknowledged lack of respect for men with a no education, and with blue-collar jobs. It was never that I looked down upon those type of men, but when it came to dating, I would barely give them the time of day, and if I did, it was with no intent to give them the opportunity of knowing my heart. Maybe I felt I was too good for them, which is quite odd seeing as though I've only had my degree a little more than a year, and many of them probably make more money than I do. But reality has hit.
Last week, in one of my schools (I do social work in a select number of Chicago Public High Schools), I had a number of men flirting and competing for my attention. A few of them were security guards with baby-mamas, one was a teacher, degreed, experienced, and traveled (adj), another was a janitor cleaning the lunchroom between each lunch period, and one was a lunchroom volunteer who was very inspiring, Biblically knowledgeable, well versed, probably retired, and old enough to be my daddy's uncle. When presented with such a variety of men with such a variety of experience and life achievement, I think that I instinctively endowed (I think that's the word I want to use) more respect to the degreed teacher and the retired volunteer. And I didn't realize that I had done this until I had a borderline sexually harrassing conversation with one, and heard a sermon on sex and my purpose in life from the other that made me question the appropriateness of the topic.
What do you all think of this observation? Have my degree and salaried employment lead my mind to a place so high that I think I am too good for a certain population of people...my own people? I'm really...shocked, to say the least, that I've been this way. But let me know what you all think.