I'm a prisoner of words unsaid. Just lonely feelings locked away in my head. I trap myself further everytime I stay quiet. I start to speak but I stop and stay silent. And now I've made my own hard bed.
Inside a prison of words unsaid
Ok, so after I went to witness to people on the street...and after I went to revival...I wanted to do something else. It's Friday night and I'm looking good. I usually spend my Friday nights with my guy but he's out playing poker with his homies. I don't wanna go home and spend my Friday night alone. So I'm trying to find something to get into. K is babysitting, R and L are on their way up north and I don't feel like driving that far. But later they call and tell me to meet them at a little spot in Dolton. I'm like COOL! It wasn't exactly what I had in mind, but it's something to do. I don't have to sit in the house looking good and being bored.
So I get there and as I'm scoping the place out, I see so many reasons why I absolutely cannot enjoy myself in a place like this. The personally of the joint was so out of wack with my personality and the reason I go to clubs. Point blank, I go to clubs to chill with my girls and dance to some good mixes (not to meet guys or exchange phone numbers, etc). But at this particular spot, that was impossible for me to do. It was extra dark, so I could barely see the faces of the people on the dance floor. Most of the music either made strong explicit references to sex (ie. "get it wet" and "p. poppin") or strong explicit references to violence (ie "whoop that trick" and "I aint never scared"). And when the DJ DID play a song I felt I could dance to (Beyonce for example), I was too concerned that some sweaty, grimey, intoxicated dude, with a cigarette in one hand and a cup of alcohol in the other, was gonna come grinding all up behind me. Then, when I took a toll (stereotypically) of the type of people that were there, I became even MORE concerned that the bouncer didn't even frisk us as we entered the building. This club atmosphere was so...not cool. I don't know any other way to say it.
Now, I'm not a big club hopper like a couple of my girls are, but I look at the few other clubs I've frequented in my few years of adulthood (one in particular), and the "type" of people I'm use to seem so opposite of what I experienced tonight. The women (for the most part) actually seem to have a little more respect for themselves (I say this based on the way the dress, the way they carry themselves, the way they dance, etc), and the men also seem to have more respect for the ladies. They actually ask the women to dance as opposed to just walking up to a woman and rubbing their intoxicated aroused penises against the women butt. The men actually buy drinks for ladies without expecting something in return. There is some LIGHT and I can see the faces of the people in the place. It is CLEAN and I'm not constantly stepping on things or trying to get stuff from being stuck on the bottom of my shoe.
What I experienced tonight was by far the worse club environment ever. Needles to say, I won't be returning.
I think I often times give advice that I need to take myself. For instance, I just told a friend that his life depends on his faith. I don't know WHERE that came from, but that's what I told him. I guess you can say the Spirit told me to say that. After I said it, I thought about it, and I said to myself, "My life depends on my faith...My life depends on my faith...My life depends on my faith." And while I've always considered myself to be one of good faith, I believe my faith has grown weak because I've found myself fearful. But one who walks in good faith in the Lord fears nothing. For the absence of faith is the presence of fear. Hmmm....