Friday, December 8, 2006

"A Good Man Is Hard To Find' (Posted on Myspace 12/08/06)

They say, "a good man is hard to find." I say a good man is "impossible" to find. Why? Because he is not to be found. A "good man" is to find a "good thing." Not the other way around. Proverbs 18:22 says, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord" (New King James Version). As women, we should not be looking for husbands. Instead, we should be preparing ourselves to be found. WE should be developing into the "good thing" we are destined to be. That way, when the "good man" comes are way, he'll find his "good thing."

(Enough preaching.)
Ok ladies let's be real. While waiting to be found, we all know what kind of "good man" we want. Just last night in conversation with a male friend I made the comment, "he's not my type" (in reference to common friend), and of course he asked, "well what is your type?" So I looked through my blog archive and found this post from January 29, 2006.
Ideal Mate
My ideal mate is something I think about all the time, but I've never put it in words, and I really don't think that I can sum it up in a blog but I'll give it a try. I can't say that I've ever had a problem defining my ideal mate because for the most part, I've always had an idea. My problem is becoming the woman my ideal mate is looking for. There's no point in waiting on my ideal mate to find me if I'm not the woman he wants to be with. My question to all of you MySpacers is, "What is your ideal mate? And how does one become an ideal mate?"
My ideal man is one who knows what he wants in life and has a plan/road map to get there. He has proof of maturity, independence, and responsibility. He is educated, and has experience being committed and dedicated to his community, church, fraternity, or other organization. If a man can't be committed to any of these things, how would a committment to me be any different?
My ideal man is one who loves me unconditionally, who has no limit as to what he will do to protect me, care for me, and fulfill my every need and desire. He also has a compatable personality, where we can laugh and talk for hours on end. I'll never get tired of being with him, and even the dullest things will seem exciting when he is around.
My ideal man is masculine, yet sensitive to the wants and needs of the woman who loves him. He is romantic to the point where every day I'm with him feels like Valentine's Day, and my wedding day isn't the only day I walk on rose peddals. He is also charming. Listening to him speak is hypnotizing and the sound of his voice is so entrancing that there is no limit to the things I would do please him.
My ideal man is one with broad shoulders, strong hands, and firm arms. He doesn't mind me resting my head amongst the sweat of his breast, and I get chills up my spine from his warm embrace. He has a sweet unique frangrance, so sweet it's tantalizing, and when he's not around the aroma lingers in my mind.
My ideal mate is my best friend. I can confide in him and he in me. No one can comfort him the way I comfort him, and the love I give him makes him feel as though he's floating amongst the clouds.
My ideal mate challenges me to be a better person. He cares about my well-being, not for his benefit, but for the purpose of making me a better person. I can then be a better woman, a better wife, and a better mother to his children.
To be continued...


  • Pastor Stowers Hello,

    I ran across your site from a post you left on my blog.  You write very well and you know how to phrase what you want.  Yes, you are pretty clear and God will grant you the desires of your heart.

    You wrote,

    "My ideal man is one who loves me unconditionally, who has no limit as to what he will do to protect me, care for me, and fulfill my every need and desire."
    Wow, that's a tall order and here's why:

    Personally, I believe that only God can love someone unconditionally.  I believe we set people up for failure by expecting them to meet needs only God can meet.  Since the fall of mankind, people are flawed (including us), have issues, and are self-serving.

    That's the consequence of living in a fallen world.  The beauty of relationships is that we all bring our flaws, issues, and competing agendas to the table and through sacrifice, we learn the beauty of togetherness.  When people come together each person brings a box of broken parts.  Together, God sorts out the pieces and weaves together one piece - hence, the two shall become one.
      3 years ago

    • Sir I definitely must start off by co-signing what the two guys before me have already said. It is very important for us as people to know what it is we really want out of a relationship. Before we can truly know that, we must first know ourselves. In getting to know ourselves, we discover what it is we really need from and for ourselves, and conversely, what it is we have to offer that special someone. I think the saying goes "If it's too good to be true, it usually is." Something for nothing sounds a little too good if you ask me. What I mean by that is that we must be cognizant of how what it is that we are offering compares to what it is that we want in return. Ten dollars is not an acceptable offer for 2007 Mercedes, it just isn't. I can't realistically be jobless (by choice) and living at home with my Mama talking about "I want me an independent woman!" I mean, I can WANT one all day long (people in Hell want ice water) but what I end up with is likely to be a far cry from it becasue I would not be where I need to be to get what I want. So in closing, I'm with you Nikki. I'm foucusing on getting myself together so I can be where I need to be to find that good thing and obtain that favor.
        5 years ago

        • HGSOUL
          Very insightful, as usual...  The question now becomes:  What do youthink your ideal mate is looking for in his ideal mate?  It seems that if you're preparing to be what this ideal mate is looking for, then you must've already made an assumption as to what that is...  The biggest divisive issue in relationships is most commonly communication.  Bottom line.  In an ideal situation, honest communication would be the foregone conclusion, but we all know that's not a safe assumption.  What usually ends up happening is that people (men & women) are not up front and honest, in the beginning, about what they REALLY want in a mate.  Oh, we have no problem voicing these concerns after we've been with this person for months & sometimes even years.  But, of course, by then we're just about sick of each other, and the relationship is on the rocks.  So, what I tell my daughter(s), younger sisters, female cousins, friends and associates is this:  Be honest with yourself about yourself.  Learn as much about yourself as you can.  Be true to your own spirit & inner voice, and follow the path that will ultimately bring you true happiness.  (Don't wait for/expect for some man to provide happiness for you...  It's impossible for anyone else to make you happy)  If you do that, then you will be able to get as close to what God has intended for you to become as humanly possible.  Then, when the right (or ideal) mate is graced by your presence, he will know it, and you will be the prize in his eyes.  And by having been honest & true to yourself, first and foremost, you will have placed yourself in a much better position to identify the qualities that you're looking for in this mate, thus essentially "weeding out" the less qualified ones.  Sorry for the long-windedness...  You know how we do, L.S. LOL!!!
            5 years ago

          Monday, December 4, 2006

          Prejudice (Posted on MySpace 12/04/06)


          prej·u·dice [prej-uh-dis] - an unfavorable opinion or feeling formed beforehand or without knowledge, thought, or reason.
          I run a program called CPS Mentor Moms. It's a program for pregnant and parenting teens, and because it's funded by Chicago Public Schools, I spend majority of my time in the schools. I have had 3 encounters this school year with the assistant principal at one of the schools. Each time she has given me a really hard time, and I could never understand why, until today. It hit me. I think she has a hard time accepting my position according to my age. I think because I'm a young lady (and because I may sometimes LOOK even younger), she feels the need to verify everything I do, as though I'm too incompetent to do the job for which I have been hired. When I met with her today so she could sign a letter to verify my work in the school, and she refused to sign the letter. She wanted to talk to this person and talk to that person so she could know this and so she could know that. In essence, she wanted to go over my head to verify that what I was doing was legit. She speaks to me almost as though I am beneath her. It's like she uses me to proove her authority. I wanted to remind her that I have a degree, I am gainfully employeed, and I am NOT your child nor one of your students. I wanted to tell her, "I'm not here to work FOR you, I'm here to work WITH you to provide support and assistance to your students." All I needed was her signature. But I didn't say any of those thoughts. I didn't express my opinions. I smiled. I nodded. And I wished her well as I left the meeting empty-handed. An hour later she phoned me to let me know the letter was ready for me to pick up, complete with my signiture. I guess she verified that it was legit, I dunno, but she took up more of my time than I had to spare.


          • SyLinda Menafee I'm proud of you for not speaking your mind. It was probably your professionalism that prompted her to sign the papers when she did. Politeness will tear unjust people's conscious up!
              5 years ago

            • Sir The best way to deal with situations like these is to just kill em with kindmness and competence, like you are doing already. By going off and getting all "ethnic" as I like to call it, does not do anything but put you down on their level (like someone else commented earlier). I'm going to end this with some old school (quite literally) wisdom. "Don't let anyone rent for free in your head!" - Alfrances L. Sharpe
                5 years ago

              • Ms. Cass K
                Okay - why you didn't call ME!  What school is this?  What's her name?  Messin wit MY child!
                Well, I guess you handled it the MORE professional way.  I'll leave it alone - THIS TIME.
                  5 years ago

                  • LaSondra Kidd Yeah ma, that gemini in you would've come out. Oooo I already know you and her would NOT get along. LOL. She's probably a gemini too. Haha.
                      5 years ago

                  • LaRue F. Kidd
                    You did good.  Sometimes we want to go where people want to take us - THERE.  But most of the time THERE is beneath us.  Because you did not stoop to her level of  ignorance, she was forced to rise to where you are.   Haters will never experience the joy of celebrators because they are always trying to figure out how they can be more, do more, or have more than others; while at the same time loosing the gifts they have within.  Don’t let anyone beneath you take you THERE or pull you down to their level, pull them up to yours.
                    THERE = No where

                      5 years ago

                    • GP
                      I feel ya.  I go through the samethings sometimes even more because of my locks.  Just keep smiling and do u.  Don't let nobody steal ur shine.  Just keep doing u and stay focus, u know this is only temporary.  Ur on to bigger and better things in life.  She just mad that she old and u half her age.  Work the job, don't let the job work u
                        5 years ago

                        • LaSondra Kidd Bigger and better. You already know!
                            5 years ago